Meeting Skipper T-Shirts

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

"I'd like to welcome you all to the procrastinators club. I move we defer the reading of the minutes of the last meeting until our next meeting...which has been postponed!"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'Let's begin our meeting. Everybody talk, nobody listen.'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

Production Meeting: Excuses

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

Female Boss 6

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'Now that the clocks have changed you can use that extra hour that you can't spend in the garden decorating the kitchen'

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

"Oh, I'm okay. This is just my resting zoom face."

"Ironic, isn't it? I spend one-third of my life asleep, and the other two-thirds pretending to be awake!"

'Your best shot is to whimper outside the door, and see what happens.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'