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"I have a photographic memory."

"Just finishing the roll?"

Booking. click. It's not standard procedure, but we're getting much better mugshots this way.

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Cariactures

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'Now that's an afro!'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

(Camel paintings)

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

An Unexpected Guest.

Horti-Culture

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

Distractions Of The Great

"Mr. Right!"

Baroque Peacock

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Painting taking root...

"You're my Mona Lisa."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Misunderstood artist