Phone Notification Hater Pillows

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"He's so into social media that he's become anti-social."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

"Tap anywhere to begin."

Confucius say: shut up.

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

'We're looking for new, original thinkers...people who can think 'outside the box'...'

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

Hiding From Social Media

One more question, Lance

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

'Just like nature, I abhor a vacuum - especially when I'm working!'

Phone notifications which creep you out.

"Don't forget to empty the dish washer."

"Go ahead, I can listen and text."

"I feel sh***y . . . yeah that didn't help."

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

Voice Jail

I haven't seen you look at your Me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives? It's not what you think. I'm still important. I still get alerts every few seconds that remind me and everyone around me that I have things going on. It's just that my phone's charging right now. I swear. Well, I'll help you out in the meantime ... Alert: Constant alerts don't make you a "somebody," you loser! Thanks. That helps.

Man and his phone both snoring.

"I have to take this call."

"Am I a slave of social media? Nooo.....Just got to check this last message..."

'If this is the conflict resolution hotline, why are you ticking me off??!!

"There is an easier an less expensive way to turn off those annoying notifications..."

"I'm looking for a phone with an app that will locate my current phone that I can't find."

"I'm clearing all my offline notifications."

"I'm keeping count of how many robocalls I get. What's sad is I only started today."

'No, you can't have another flip phone. You always leave the lid up.'

"To talk to someone in Customer Service, press one, but we're pretty sure you'll want to hear our other 12 options. . ."

'Football stink. Me like hunting better.'