Phone Call Strategist T-Shirts

'I need time to consider your fabulous offer - Give me your number and I'll call you back tomorrow night at dinner.'

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

I'm going to put you on hold. We're having problems with our hold music so I'll just hum.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"May I remind you that we can always go with duck eggs."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'The King of what?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

"Before you ask for a raise, I need you to be aware I've got a map of your brain on my mobile."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

'Work the jab! Move your feet! Attack, attack, attack! ...But be careful. He's got a human shield.'

...the onion rings

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'Right...we've agreed to mediation to decide whether or not we go to mediation!'

'Your ego seems to be your primary problem.'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

"You're going to love this app...Find My Bone."

"O.K., Jimbo, let's dance with wolves."

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

"Look, everyone here loves vanilla, right? So let's start there."

'Another setback - the mediators just went out on strike.'

"...then sell all my pork bellies, and buy steel."

Phone Calls As a Child and As an Adult