Philosopher Of Life's Oddities T-Shirts

"They say hair and fingernails keep growing, but phone calls taper off."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Reverse psychology

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Death coach..."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."