Philosopher Of Happiness Pillows

"I have just one more question - will it make me happy?"

'And everybody expects me to be happy, which only makes things worse!'

"It takes thirty seven facial muscles to frown and only one million dollars to smile."

"You call THAT happy?"

'Oh, I've been happier.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Citizen of the world.

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Cemetery with graves engraved 'traditional medicine' and 'alternative medicine'.

"Be patient! Weather and homeland are not chosen."

'Isn't it about time to turn over a new leaf...?'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

Leaves Falling in Heaven.

"So much to do... so little time."

"What a wonderful tune! I wonder who wrote the score?"