Philosopher Friend Pillows

'I know life is a funny thing, but is it funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?'

Skeptic Tank.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'See that ant, Norm - He is in a world of his own, completely unaware that he is being watched.'

"The meaning of life at a glance"

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"All of my friends are imaginary."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

Rudolf Carnap

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

"Yes, I can see where being Wendy's invisible friend all those years, and then her growing up could cause separation anxiety."

'One thing you've got to learn about life...you're not going to make many friends.'

"They said it couldn't be done – I made a friend as an adult!"

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

'Well, so much for the 'no new commandments' pledge!'

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...oh, hell, give me another one!'

'Best friend? I hardly know the man!'

"Remember, son, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and anyone who says 'Beer me' as far away as possible."

"Funny how you can be friends with somebody for so long but never really know him."