Pharmaceutical Fun Prints

'According to this, the only drug your HMO covers is aspirin, and it has to be generic.'

Pharmacy - "And these blue ones are for the stomach cramps the red ones are going to give you."

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

"Here it reads that the medication the doctor prescribed to you might have some side effects..."

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"We only test our drugs on plants, so we have to do lots and lots of extrapolating."

43rd Annual Doctors Convention

Sea of Tranquillity

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"Do you carry generic placebos?"

'This is our most efficient inhibition blocker. It's 99% alcohol.'

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

Never make a doctors appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

You take'm through the nose, you pay through the nose.

"Two options. This drug won't cure you, but the side effects are terrific. This other drug will cure you, but the side effects are worse than the original disease."

"Would you like to supersize that?"

"This pill is the only thing that will cure you. The good news is that it's up to you whether or not you take it orally."

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

"We came up with a pill that cures everything...but I'm warning you, it's gonna be expensive."

"This is wonderful. It will help millions of people."

"That's the strongest teeth whitener we carry. Smile in the dark and your mouth becomes a night light."

It's a new electronic child-proof pill container

"Okay, we're through with the animal testing phase."

"Wow... you're actually calling me the next day!"

'I took one look at the prescription price and ruptured a blood vessel!'

"Don't chew them. They're supposed to hatch in your intestines."

"This medication did take care of my rash. However, like the TV commercial claimed, it did come with a few side effects."

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

'I wish you'd come to me sooner.'