Medical Fun Prints

Never make a doctors appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

World Cup Fever

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'