Pharmaceutical Finder Prints

"Every time I come up with something it turns out to be aspirin."

"This is for the pain and these are for the side effects."

'Side effects may include....'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"Look on the bright side – the Rogaine worked!"

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

August, 1897 - Arthur Eichengrun invents aspirin.

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'...may the best pharmaceuticals win.'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

'Someone's here who'd like you to spend 30 days on an island with 1,000 doctors and some pain pills.'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"Hey, way to go! You invented both the disease AND the cure!"

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

"We've got to cut the drugs budget somehow, pass me the twigs and the bat droppings!"

'It's not quite ready. Come back in 15 minutes.'

'My portfolio is doing well after they injected it with the right combination of pharmaceuticals.'

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

'Pharmaceutical stocks gave the market a real shot in the arm today...'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

'...The world of vitamins can be complex.'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

"This medication doesn't have any side effects, just up-and-down effects."

You take'm through the nose, you pay through the nose.

"Would you like to supersize that?"

"This pill is the only thing that will cure you. The good news is that it's up to you whether or not you take it orally."

'I used to hibernate without sleeping pills.'

"We came up with a pill that cures everything...but I'm warning you, it's gonna be expensive."

Talk to your doctor about Placebitrex...the pill that does whatever you think you need it to.

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

'I had to confirm that you had prescribed a placebo, Doctor. But when I said it was an extra-strength placebo, he was pleased.'

"This is wonderful. It will help millions of people."