Pet Parents Who Enjoy A Twist Pillows

"He's my discomfort animal."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Upper East Side Dog Park

he used to belong to a cartoonist

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

"I wonder what he dreams about...Squirrels I bet."

Cat Romance

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

"You stop it, now!"

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Bone appetit!'

'What do you say we become vegetarians?'

'Mommy didn't bring a stick. Boo Boo want to fetch a lipstick?'

'We really should get him chipped.'

Bad Dog

"Your offer to compromise has been rejected and your dog has been cast out."

"It's a good thing Effie likes these little funerals, she's had such awful luck with her pets."

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

Tinder for dogs

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"Meet my first dog. I've named him 'Security Question.'"

Mouse guillotining cats paws which come through his mouse hole

'Your dragon appears to have a nasty cough.'

101 uses of a dead cat: wind vane.

Toddler sharing dog food

"My owner thinks turtle necks are back in fashion."

'What are you doing with that toilet?! I drink out of there!'