Pet Owners Who Love Eating Out Pillows

The cheap skate - 'Separate checks, please.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

The Fourth Little Pig

'Your French dip, sir.'

Fast food. Even faster food

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"You owe me five bucks."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

Picking pastries.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Menu Dating