Pet Owners Who Love Eating Out Pillows

The cheap skate - 'Separate checks, please.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Your French dip, sir.'

The Fourth Little Pig

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Fast food. Even faster food

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Picking pastries.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"You owe me five bucks."

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!