Pet Improviser Gifts

'You'll just have to make do until I can find your boot size.'

Joe was so poor, his dog was a tumbleweed.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Jazz is Invented

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Cats at private view

Dogs life

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"That's the preacher's dog."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

The Hammer

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Clown walks balloon dog

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'Now cut that out!'

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!