Pet Etiquette Squad T-Shirts

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Rats."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

Dinosaur Pet Stores

"Eddie, you are one hell of a mouse!"

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

Do you look like your pet ?

Preschools for Dogs

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

"The barking ... it has to stop."

"If he's really your best friend, why did he have your tail cut off?"

'You mean to tell me neither candidate supports a ban on doggy sweaters?!'

'Just remember that there is a fine line between show dog and show off.'

'The Pied Piper routine has got to stop.'

'But I TOLD you before I started that I consider ear cropping a disfiguring operation...'

'Now say 'please'.'

"You're sure that's the stick you want?"

'Don't worry Vicar. He's only looking at you like that because you're eating off his plate...'

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

Do you mean me personally? Or how much wood we could chuck on average?

"If dogs had cell phones... Hi, Carl. It’s me again. I know you’re just going out to the mailbox but I was wondering if you’re ever returning. What’s the rush."

'Damn. He is FINE! And me without butt-mints!

Employees must wash paws after using litter box.

Of course they're real diamonds! It's a designer coat: She wants me to match her purse...

"Spot isn't home. I'll leave him my calling card to let him know that we came by to see him."

'apparently there are different ways to let the cat out for the night!'