Pet Custody Strategist Pillows

"We're still working out joint custody."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"Works every time."

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"We've got a class-action suit if I ever saw one."

Beware of teething baby.

'Rasputin has been declawed: Pass it on...'

'Ok...on the count of three, we evolve into piranha.'

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"Sit!"

At least your patients can't complain like the medical doctor's do!"

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

"Since I was making a doggie door, I figured it was only fair to make a door for my bees too!"

Dog hitch hiking for a good home

'Now class, let's not condemn the private practitioner who first saw this case and failed to make an obvious diagnosis."

"I want to leave everything to my cat."

'First you fetch their slippers and then you chew them up -- it's called the 'good dog-bad dog' system.'

"He's more of a shoulder dog than a lap dog."

Dog food 5p off - "No, it isn't a good reason to buy a dog!"

"In my day, dogs slept outside in a doghouse." "But... this is nice."

Yeah, once again, Mistress missed out on getting the rental property she wanted. The usual issue: no pets allowed...

'We do require human references, if possible!'

Cats-can-sell anything advertising agency.

"If you're really man's best friend, how come your food never comes with cutlery?"

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"I may not be part of your social circle, but I am part of your ecosystem!"

Dog in pet shop beats the competition by hold a sign saying 'Has Fleas'.

"What you need to do is, find the biggest squirrel in the yard, walk right up to him and shake the dirty walnuts out of him."

"I... hate... this... place."