Pet Chef T-Shirts

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Dog Food

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Homemade dog biscuits.

"We need to put in more bones."

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

Recipes.

Dog Food Pyramid. Meat. Scraps.

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

'I was hoping chef's surprise would be fish'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"What smells so good? -- I'm not cooking for you, but for my dog."

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"I need some assistance here."

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

Cooking shows for dogs

Can I have another free biscuit for my dog? Sure. Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits? You sure this is for your dog? Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?

"Wait! I forgot the garnish."

"I always add a few breath mints to his food."

'Feeding dog food to dogs is NOT ethnic stereotyping!'

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

'Patience. Gentle mixing awakens the delicate flavors and presents far more agreeably than straight-out-of-the-can.'

Water. Food. Garnish.