Pessimistic Pub Chat Pillows

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

"My glass is half empty"

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

Follow England mate, they're always crap!

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

Things can only get worse...

Whinge drinkers: 'Music is too loud as usual', 'You can never get a seat'.

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'We made it, Happy New Year.'

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

The guy who wanted change, experience, a shoulder to cry on, and a medal, all tied up in a nice,neat package, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"People wipe their feet on me all day long. I mean, really, what could possibly be worse than that?"

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

'Look at that lunatic...'

A giant squid gets "Life Sucks" tattooed on its tentacles.

Look at the bright side. The I.R.S. says obesity is a disease, so your office visits are tax deductible.

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

Half Full/Half Empty

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.

The world may be my oyster, but I've never been able to pry it open.

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

'Geeze...and I thought I had it bad. My wife's just a cow.'

Mayfly holds a sign saying "The end is night".

'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in YOUR philosophy.' 'How does that no surprise me?'

"Everybody talks about sex but nobody does anything about it."

'With all the stresses and worries out there, happy hour no longer seemed to work.'