Pessimistic Dining Companion Pillows

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Shall I bring two children's meals, or will Madam regurgitate her own?'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

"I've taken the liberty of adding eight thousand dollars to your check so that, while you're stunned with disbelief, I can bang your wife."

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

Man walks into a restaurant with a sign saying "Billy Bob's Diner - We don't let the federal government tell us what to do with our tainted beef".

'Your waiter will be happy to point out our organic dishes if sir is feeling particularly gullible.'

"The spaghetti is too al dente!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"Say when!"

'What wine goes with rubbery steak and cold vegetables?'

'It won't be long now, sir. The chef has already sent the chicken a death threat.'

"Too rare, perhaps?"

'Why the free meal?'

"The nice thing about being a fruit fly is you only have to listen to one news cycle."

"Just eat the darn thing!"

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"Oh, DO lighten up Roger...!"