Perspective Perfectionist Gifts

Lessons from the Blakely Art School (Now Defunct)

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Bullseye!

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

Office Ergonomics.

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

Three work boxes: 'IN...LIMBO...OUT': 'I think I've found your bottleneck.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

Perfection

"Or should it be scrum or kanban???"

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

"I propose we go with the second option."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

"You're welcome."

Santa's Out Tray.

We thought we'd put in the detail later.

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."