Personal Finance Gifts

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

'We are prepared to make you a loan, but first you have to prove that you really don't need it,'

'Your circulation is poor.' 'Are you saying I've got a cash flow problem?'

'I'm just saying, if our income is 'fixed', how come we're 'broke'?'

-"Why bother to budget?" -"So we can worry BEFORE we spend our money as well as AFTER we spend our money."

'Aren't you afraid of inaccuracies on your credit report?'

'There's nothing wrong with entering magazine sweepstakes - but have you folks considered any other retirement plans?'

'Apparently, just because we took out a mortgage, the bank now expects us to make some sort of monthly payment.'

Your Pizza Dollar

'Credit is a wonderful gimmick that lets you start at the bottom and dig yourself into a hole.'

"4 out of 5 doctors recommend you ask your financial planner if this drug is right for you."

'Right now I'd say our biggest asset is our credit card debt.'

'Read an investment book that changed my life...please help.'

'We are spending entirely too much on bills.'

"Whatever you do, keep up with your mortgage payments."

"Oh, Honey - our first bankruptcy!"

'I miss the disposable income days.'

'From living beyond our means, we've gone to living beyond our wildest expectations!'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

"How would you like to dabble in some very high quality junk bonds?"

'Jones, how about a moratorium on keeping up? Our budget is a bit tight this year.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'By tonight we'll finally be in the black. We don't have enough to pay the electric bill.'

"We can pay off our mortgage, educate our kids, or retire at 65 - pick any two."

'We were just keeping up with the Joneses. How was I supposed to know the Joneses were keeping up with the Rockefellers?'

Walking a fine line of debt.

'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'

"I take it your credit score has gone up?"

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

'My investment objective is to be able to pay my energy and drug prescription bills.'

'You can come out now. I promise not to use the word budget again.'

"Your sole use of credit has been to purchase Chinese takeout food. That's why you can't get a mortgage."

'I'm sending in my quarterly estimated tax payment, but I'm not signing the check. If I have to guess how much I made, let the IRS guess who made it.'