Permanent Partner Appreciator Pillows

'Sorry, no exchange, no right of return.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

You've Got Mail

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

Soldier, Statesman, Travel Agent

"The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce

Dog following it's master out of a windows.

How To Be Your Own Best Friend

New game - Aches and Bladders (Suitable for 70+).

"Rex, I've always admired your loyalty to the firm."

'This restaurant is great They always keep my water glass full,'

"Yes, you will get a company car. It'll have a big, blue flashing light on the roof!"

Sword swallower's groin extends as if its the sword

'It's for Pookie.'

After forty-odd years, Joan finally gets a 'hole in one'!

"This idea of offering staff flexible working options is genius, we should have done it years ago!"

Michelle Obama

"I'm trying to position myself as loyal."

"Thanks for the pointers."

"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."

'We strive for a diverse customer service team. For every people person, we hire one misanthrope.'

"He may be an unusual choice for a husband but I've found him to be really quite handy."

"Flirting: past & present."

'Sure, you write me, but you never instant-message me.'

"Don't you know who I am?! I demand an upgrade! I'm a platinum-plus frequent fly..."

Greek Home Theater

'When Henry puts his mind to something there is no stopping him.'

"So let's talk about my self-importance, I'll start."