Performer T-Shirts

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'This next block of silence is for all you folks who download music for free, eliminating my incentive to create,'

"For the love of God, is there a doctor in the house?"

"I will now play a familiar seasonal piece."

Big Ballet Dancer.

Ramon was a polished performer, but this was madness. . . A square peg in a round hole, unassisted, and blindfolded!!

'This next song is about burning bridges, and how now, I wish I hadn't.'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

The Great Wall of France

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

"You people make me sick. Nonetheless, here's a little toe-tapper."

'This next song is about setting boundaries, and how now I wish I had.'

Hollywood Talent: 'Sorry, kid, but there's a dog in China who will bark 'Jingle bells' for a third what we pay you!'

'He's got a lot of talent and everything, but I just don't think he's cut out for talk radio.'

"This session is not over until I sing so!"

Octopus on Keys.

Pantomime Horse

"Go down there and make them laugh."

Tightrope #1 Tightrope walker about to step on a banana skin

'Remember me?'

"I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky..."

Oklahoma! "Never mind the farmer and the cowman, reconcile the performer and the latecomer then I'll be impressed!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Lousy Ventriloquist Fears Return to Normal

"Please turn on your cell phones."

'And don't get any funny ideas.'

Witch reads book titled 'Cackle with Confidence'.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

At night - snake charmer.

"The Sudden, Sure Knowledge That One's Best Efforts Have Come To Naught."

Bob's trick knee was an endless source of frustration.

'So, apart from the literary reference, that's it, is it?'

Knife-thrower misses target and hits an audience member.

Loner sheep sings 'I gotta be me'.