Performer Prints

Touch Gig

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'This next block of silence is for all you folks who download music for free, eliminating my incentive to create,'

Big Ballet Dancer.

"I will now play a familiar seasonal piece."

Mrs Claus - North Pole Dancing.

"For the love of God, is there a doctor in the house?"

Ramon was a polished performer, but this was madness. . . A square peg in a round hole, unassisted, and blindfolded!!

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'This next song is about burning bridges, and how now, I wish I hadn't.'

"You people make me sick. Nonetheless, here's a little toe-tapper."

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

"The best advice I can give you is: 'Be Yourself.'"

Hollywood Talent: 'Sorry, kid, but there's a dog in China who will bark 'Jingle bells' for a third what we pay you!'

The Great Wall of France

'This next song is about setting boundaries, and how now I wish I had.'

Octopus on Keys.

Luciano Pavarotti.

"I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky..."

Pantomime Horse

'Remember me?'

'Shoot, son, if you work real hard and stick to it, I reckon you can grow up to impersonate anyone you want.'

"This session is not over until I sing so!"

'He's got a lot of talent and everything, but I just don't think he's cut out for talk radio.'

"Go down there and make them laugh."

Tightrope #1 Tightrope walker about to step on a banana skin

Lousy Ventriloquist Fears Return to Normal

Loner sheep sings 'I gotta be me'.

A cat rejects a dog performer's act.

At night - snake charmer.

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"The Sudden, Sure Knowledge That One's Best Efforts Have Come To Naught."

"Please turn on your cell phones."

'That's enough about me, now let's concentrate on you. What did you think of my performance?'