People Skills Guru Pillows

Luckily for Sarah, her training had included a unit on detecting signs of negative body language.

"Well, I admire your assertiveness, but you might want to work on your people skills!"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

Sir Winston Churchill

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

The Dubloon Stops Here

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

Teamwork!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Motivation to work

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'I had to overcome stereotypical misunderstandings about who makes a good leader.'

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

Whack-a-mole CEO.