Pediatric Humor Lover Gifts

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Time for your pills.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'