Peaceful Pet Owner Gifts

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

Zack Brillard and Live-In Companion

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Super Dog'

'Next!'

"C'mon already...that lipstick really isn't my shade."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Pet Pony

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

The best relationships are silent.

K9 Literati.

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

"It's just until he gets over his laryngitis."

'Good book?'

Pet Owners' Date Night

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

A girl with a dog and balloons

Dalmation with soccer ball: Soccer Hound.

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

"Dangerous? Nah, I could count on one hand the number of times he's bitten me."

'My cat is very unpredictable. I never know when he's going to ignore me.'

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

'Can't you just hand me a plastic worm?!'

Pet Dog.

'I know you got nine lives, but do you have to eat for all of them?'

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

After You Die/After Your Dog Dies

An advantage of robotic pets.

"Can somebody. . . hello?. . . can somebody call the dog. . . hello? . . ."

'No wonder these are bland...they're toys!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: ...Because it's quiet and doesn't eat much.

"Sometimes I regret I chose a big dog."

Dog reading a manual called 'understanding the feline psyche'.