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'Sometimes I wonder about PBS -- they're counting down the top 100 Gregorian chants.'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

Cut!

The First Annual Game Show Week.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"We've got the same ringtone!" (Two guys opening ring pull drinks cans).

Miami Mice

As Seen Watching TV

Larry King

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

"I'm watching the hockey game. The score is 4 nothing for the Zamboni driver."

"He just married me on the rebound."

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"Don't worry, honey. This is just for our murder podcast."

"Let's just binge watch this."

'Books are okay, except they only get one channel.'

The conversion.

As senior assistant groundskeeper, Louie was responsible for dragging the infielders before every game.

"Now that I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure."

Bored with retirement, the Great One tries crime.

"Today we're going to talk about brainless reality TV."

"This should be good! I switched his discus with a frisbee!"

'You did your book report on the TV schedule?'

No stopping. I'm binge-listening.

"You're in the cartoon league now. You just have to pretend those little circles in the stands are actual people."

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'