Paychecks Pillows

Hey boss, it's almost the middle of March and I haven't been paid yet. Are you sure? Perhaps I already paid you for March back in February. Perhaps I've been paying you a whole month early for the last 16 years, and so you aren't actually entitled to another check until April. If you show me your very first check stub from 16 years ago, we could clear this up. Very. Mad. Man.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"Casual Payday."

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"If you're wondering why you've been chosen 'Employee of the week,' it's because your work load is about to increase, while your pay remains the same."

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

"I got my first paycheck, and now I understand why our organization is classified as a nonprofit."

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'This is the part of my paycheck that goes to taxes.'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

"The good news is, we've managed to secure you a ?7 per week pay increase. The bad news is, we're going to charge ?2 per day to park your cars."

"That sweet raise everybody's been excited about is finally here. Enjoy it!"

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

"She's always like this at this time of the month,short tempered, insecure,anxious,questioning why she does the job!" "PMT?" "Wageslip!"

'I suppose you've often wondered what you'd do if you had my income.'

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

"Would you like your paycheck sent directly to your mortgage holder, your oil company or your health insurance provider?"