Pay Raise Dreamer Gifts

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'I hope you're not going to get into my bad books by asking me for a raise Digby.'

'I may be an incurable optimist, but I think I can get a raise out of ol' J.P.'

'So I said...he'll give me a raise, he isn't the mean old skin-flint, tight wad you all think he is.'

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

'You don't get a raise with this promotion, but you do get to call your work area a 'work station' instead of a 'cubicle.''

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

'You may have three mergers.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

After years of working in an office without a door, Doug was moved to a door without an office.

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

'Edna, the company was serious when it said it planned on promoting from within.'

'We replaced your expense account with this wonderful motivational poster.'

'No, we haven't made a decision on your promotion. We're still looking for a reason to deny it.'

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

Man to man: 'I turned down a raise because I'm afraid of heights.'

Car Dealer

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

"Look what I got! A 14K gold-played chain steering wheel! It only cost $169!"

"If the Obama Transition Team is interested they'll leave a message."

'I just want a little recognition, nothing much, maybe a Lifetime Achievement Award.'

"You may already be a Nobel Prize winner!"

'Since I'm an ornithologist, this means we can deduct the electric bill.'

"I'll flip you to see whose name is listed first if we should ever win a Nobel Prize."

'A clown? What makes you think you could be a clown?'

'. . .and may the dividends tomorrow be good . . .'

'There is no pay rise this year, but we've upgraded your job title instead.'

'We haven't had a chance to formally consult everyone about the pay offer yet...'