Patient Planners Pillows

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

"We only got six days of funding."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

God's Subcontractors

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

When Engineers Crack.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I think you might need to start again."

Innovation & Calculation

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

Waiting for retirement.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

Baby name suggestions.

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Engineer on the move.

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

Ins and Outs of Sex Therapy

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."