Patient Pescatarian Pillows

"I admire your patience, Fred, but c'mon!"

'Been waiting long?'

"Have you tried biting him?"

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Bored?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Once you get the shells off they're really quite tasty.

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

"That's Doctor Good Boy to you."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

A feast in a hospital bed.

Man hospitalized and in a full body cast is reading bedtime stories.

'I don't feel that bad.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

'It's a classy coronary ward. They turn down the sheets and put a statin on your pillow.'

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

'Better steer clear of the red meat - I'll have pink salmon with a few blue mussels, green peas, black eyed beans and a bottle of rose.'

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"The doctor will bill you now."

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Pet Care/Vet Care.

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.