Patient Communicators Pillows

"Sorry, sir, you'll have to hang on some more, but I'm going to advance you to priority-hold status."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"To be honest, most of our work involves reassuring patients until nature cures them..."

"I'm not great at communication, but my little buddy is."

Does your accountant speak your language?

"My, aren't we patient-oriented this morning."

'That line means good managerial skills!'

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

Body Language - Hiss!

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"How did it go? Read my blog."

"Click heels... needed ASAP... in Kansas."

It's a new invention called "language." It will revolutionize the communications industry!

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

"I've asked you repeatedly not to startle me when I'm working!"

"I'm going to check out a couple of antiques." "Good luck with your breast exam."

'IRS Help Hot Line. While you're on hold for the next 23 hours, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

Telephone consultations worked but maybe TEXT consultations were a step too far...Does anyone recognise 'fngx stre pink' as a symptom?.

"Hopefully my body language tells you all you need to know."

We're sorry, all lines are currently busy. Please continue holding for the next available recorded message.

'The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services...'

We aren't talking about you --- I said "ribbit"!

'Gout.'

"I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?"

"Take this like a good boy so I don't have to get male Nurse Bubba!"