Patient Care Specialist Pillows

"I've a patient who needs a 'chat'...have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communications with patients in a lighthearted, supportive but not disempowering manner' course?"

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Virtual Doctor

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Long shift?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Doctors Discussion

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

Medical Examinations.

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Do we have any oldies but goodies that you would care to hear?'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

First aid departments

Taking goldfish for a walk.

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

Stethoscope line.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

"As explained, Parkinson's Disease is a depletion of dopamine in the brain. But before you fill up that space with a lot of negative thoughts, let's discuss your treatment options."

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."