Paternity Leave Proponents Gifts

"So I suffered sympathetic labour pains for nothing!"

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Ahhh...'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Guess who's teething?'

'Here is is. 'Vicarious: imagined participation in another's experience' ... it doesn't mean you actually get to play on your son's team.'

"What's this about having time off to spawn?"

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

The conversion.

'Good God! You want paternity leave again! That'll be the sixth time this year!'

'I need a Vacation.'

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

"This paternity leave plays havoc with your handicap."

"Does it come with instructions?"

"Put it on pause, son, and come to Thanksgiving dinner."

"You've spent lots of time with your family. It's time you got a job!"

"They're expecting their first baby by surrogate mother!"

"And then they went and did work in a coffee shop and lived happily ever after."

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"Good news. I can extend your maternity leave by two days...Saturday and Sunday."