Patch Collector Gifts

'Diet patch, stop-smoking patch, birth control patch...'

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

It's SkinPatchMan!

Boy with soccer spot patch on eye next to pirate.

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

Introducing: Eye-Quit. The Nicotine Patch for Pirates...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"They're comfortable."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

'I'm not riding with her and that jar of creepy crawlers!!'

Joseph and his coat

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

When lice dream.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

These colour charts are ridiculous... coal' black, 'midnight' black, 'licquorice black'.' - 'There's too much choice! All I want is plain old boring bl-' - 'Ooooooh... 'panther' black.' -

Men talking about the boots of the period

"I wonder what this was for."

A bill poster pasting up a wanted poster of himself.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Would you like flies with that order?"

"Don't put that on. You're wearing this shirt today."

"I'll have the computer running once I workout the bugs."

'How old is this vase?'

Pianist.