Pastry Jokester Gifts

'Well Shirley, you've got to be brave now... I fear that sun tan won't protect your cake from getting burned in the oven.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Onion operation.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Shocking cows and chickens with the ingredients of the cake.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

"If you have an emergency, use this pepper spray."

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!