Pastime Perfectionist Pillows

"Play golf? It's not a game you know."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Surreal ale

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

'I can 'YO', but the second 'YO' isn't working!'

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

Perfection

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

"You're welcome."

Quality Contorl.

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

Ventriloquist's fete

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

"Page 33, line 4..."

Woman trying to straighten a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

"Come on, we're late. Your crosshatching looks fine."

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

'He was taller online!'

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'