Past Narrator T-Shirts

'Son, history is important because it's the story of our past that we rewrite to understand our present.'

Historical memory is on life support.

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Ghost School.

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sign in a bookshop window offers chance to meet the narrator of the audio book.

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I've learned from the past. Now can we move on?"

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

Like Minded

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Put that down your fool! It's a bone of contention.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Stork Story.

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

Homework Help and Homework Eaten Stands

'You'd better stop reading, Dad... you're making me sleepy.'

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

Department of Archaeology Floor Plan

'Let's get a few things straight. No speed reading, no silly voices, no skipping pages...'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

Making an Audio Book: Quiet Please No Barking!!!

"I'm old enough to remember when people thought retirement had something to do with not having a job. Don't laugh! We used to believe all sorts of ridiculous stuff!"

'Once upon a time there were three people...'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

"The Founding Fathers?! Ha! That’ll never stick!"

"Your ecosystem is pretty well shot, have you considered giving up humans?"