Passive-aggressive Humor Lover Gifts

"Can I bring you something else to complain about?"

My Gay Son Never Calls

"There's a math book in your lunch bag?"

"You never did like our cat did you?"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"You are still here."

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

Honest Voting Stickers

The Monroe Doctrine

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'Where Are They Now?'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Think tanks.

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

"I'll have dessert first."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."