Passive-aggressive Humor Lover Gifts

"Can I bring you something else to complain about?"

My Gay Son Never Calls

Message on fridge door. 'Your dinner's in the freezer. At the Co-op.'

"There's a math book in your lunch bag?"

"You never did like our cat did you?"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"You are still here."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Hammer

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Honest Voting Stickers

Spanish bank needs propping up.

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

Anti-inflammation recipes

The Monroe Doctrine

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Only in America

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"I'll have dessert first."