Party Survivor Pillows

"New Year's Eve just isn't the same anymore!"

Next stop: Insecurity.

A man wearing a shirt labeled "Last night" opens his medicine cabinet containing an aerosol can labeled "Today".

"Fred and Sarah, Helen and Joe, Carol and Andy, this is Marcia and nobody."

'Noisemakers are not welcome the morning after a party.'

'I haven't invited anyone back to my place since the divorce. Haven't even taken down the decorations.'

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

Mother drinking Gin before going into kid's party.

'I'm celebrating, I came from my teenagers birthday party and survived,'

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

'If you didn't have a hangover you'd have one now...!!'

Desert Island BBQ

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And in conclusion.'

"OK, now what?"

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'We're in a hurry.'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

Need tickets.

"What if I told you that everything you knew about slowly going insane on a desert island was wrong?"

"And now Survivor Six...walking through your kid's room barefoot in the dark..."

No Loitering

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

'I don't think he'll be having a party next year - I heard his mother scream 'Never again'.'

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

Bored Meeting

"You been here long?"

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

'Thanks for not letting cancer define who you are.'

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

"What makes you think you have cabin fever?"