Party Skipper Pillows

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

"Brian's been pursuing a successful career in the City for 25 years..."

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Sleeping through new year celebrations

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

"They stay together for the money."

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

Sailing

'Then that's one child's plate, one special, and one anything-as-long-as-I-don't-have-to-cook-it.'

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

"I'm putting you on a skipping diet. . .Skip cakes and wine."

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

In the supermarket

'You think he's good now...you should see him when he's sober!'