Dinner Skipper Pillows

In the supermarket

Grace For Flies

Party time.

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

Horn of Leftovers

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

Trustworthy Authority.

"The host? He'll be the guy standing here, alone, when the wine's gone."

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Sleeping through new year celebrations

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

After-Life Mints

'And don't you touch that mammoth in the freezer. I'm saving it for company.'

Crime Prevention Seminar

Dinner chat.

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

Sailing

'Then that's one child's plate, one special, and one anything-as-long-as-I-don't-have-to-cook-it.'

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

'They do that every time. I think it's something in the meatballs.'