Dinner Skipper Pillows

In the supermarket

Grace For Flies

Party time.

Horn of Leftovers

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

'I always buy him the toughest, chewiest steak. It shuts him right up for half an hour.'

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

Trustworthy Authority.

"The host? He'll be the guy standing here, alone, when the wine's gone."

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Chair massages.

Sleeping through new year celebrations

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

After-Life Mints

'And don't you touch that mammoth in the freezer. I'm saving it for company.'

Crime Prevention Seminar

Dinner chat.

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

Sailing

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

'They do that every time. I think it's something in the meatballs.'