Party Commander T-Shirts

"Police. Nobody move or groove."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'No standing while room is in motion.'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Beers

"I am so attracted to you right now."

Shaken not stirred

Balancing two espresso martinis

The devil you know and his plus one

Karataoke

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

"Whine and cheezed party."

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

Whale Piñata.

"Why can't you ever relax at parties?"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Ugh, I was afraid he'd be here."

Join me in a Caiprinha!

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Please forgive us for being so late- we had parking issues."

"Oh, God! I had EXACTLY the right amount to drink last night."

Angry wife: 'Oh well DONE Keith! Why didn't you tell me the invite said BRING your own spirits?!'

"...and what do you think will happen if you do attend the party?