Parenting Style Critic Pillows

'You know this belt I've been using to punish the kids? It can also be used to hold up my pants!'

"In regards to my son's education I am a firm believer in 'Laissez-Faire'."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

New dunce caps

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

A boy and his spin patrol.

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

Mobile phone damage to children.

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'Now there's a novel idea - babysitting your own children.'

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'

The Force of Example.

"I was a much better parent before I had children."

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'