Parenting Mentor T-Shirts

"Come along, son. We are at but the beginning of a long and arduous journey."

'Son, it's time I told you about the bears and the bulls.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Hanging off every word...

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Children's education

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'The secret to my success? Even as a kid, I never accepted that annoying phrase, 'None of your business.''