Parenting Humor Appreciator Gifts

"I don't care what your mother said in the delivery room! You don't use that language in here!"

'He wants the one on the roof!'

'Oh no, I put Rusty out. But man! I have an awful stomache ache! I think I need ice cream....separate bowls.'

'Are you sure he's my baby brother? He smells effeminate!'

"Wow, your parents sure keep you on a short leash."

"I've got to go back. This isn't my briefcase... it's my son's junior doctor kit!"

"My Mom's going to be mad about this. She just bought new refrigerator magnets."

"In my day, we got bubblegum in our hair, not drones!"

"Mom is in bed with one of her headaches..."

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

'Did you know that our lawn is astroturf? I think our parents must be total psychos.'

If they get rough, use the playpen. Get inside and you should escape injury.

Cereal Objection

"Say, Pop, do you realize the average child spends approximately fifteen dollars a year on candy?"

Ask your mother.

'Look Mummy: I've pu on my shell all by myself...'

MEN, WOMEN, 'What are KIDS supposed to do?'

A father pushes his baby on a swing

"Today you're an ugly duckling, but one day you'll turn into a gawky adolescent duck."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I need to know who started it."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."