Parenting Humor Appreciator Gifts

"I don't care what your mother said in the delivery room! You don't use that language in here!"

'He wants the one on the roof!'

'Oh no, I put Rusty out. But man! I have an awful stomache ache! I think I need ice cream....separate bowls.'

'Are you sure he's my baby brother? He smells effeminate!'

"Wow, your parents sure keep you on a short leash."

"I've got to go back. This isn't my briefcase... it's my son's junior doctor kit!"

"My Mom's going to be mad about this. She just bought new refrigerator magnets."

"In my day, we got bubblegum in our hair, not drones!"

"Mom is in bed with one of her headaches..."

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

'Did you know that our lawn is astroturf? I think our parents must be total psychos.'

If they get rough, use the playpen. Get inside and you should escape injury.

Cereal Objection

"Say, Pop, do you realize the average child spends approximately fifteen dollars a year on candy?"

Ask your mother.

'Look Mummy: I've pu on my shell all by myself...'

MEN, WOMEN, 'What are KIDS supposed to do?'

Is it true kids your age lie 14 times a day? That's outrageous! Yeah, mom. It's sooo off. Good to hear! 14 seems high to me. 8 sounds right.

Hey, I told you if you kept fighting, I'd put you in a timeout.

I don't understand the way kids today express themselves and communicate. I don't understand the way kids today express themselves and communicate.

"Downward Drool" is ok, but if you want something challenging, try "forward-facing full diaper."

A father pushes his baby on a swing

What Did You Do During the Culture War, Daddy?

"Today you're an ugly duckling, but one day you'll turn into a gawky adolescent duck."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'