Parenthood Philosophers T-Shirts

"Kids! Empty Nest blues when they leave home, empty purse blues when they don't."

Parents as Service Providers

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"You're welcome."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

Growth Charts

"We have the exact same taste."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

Young Gums

"I noticed that since I've been working at home you've been paying me hazard pay. How did you know?"

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'