Parenthood Philosophers Mugs

"Kids! Empty Nest blues when they leave home, empty purse blues when they don't."

Parents as Service Providers

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"You're welcome."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Baby Screen Time

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"We have the exact same taste."

Growth Charts

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

Young Gums

'There's a planet in my book with two moons! Imagine how much howling we could do there!'

A postwoman delivers mail together with her baby who is riding in the letter carrier.

"Skip the funny voices tonight—O.K., Dad?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"