Parental Wisdom Enthusiast T-Shirts

The world's #1 motivational speaker

'Said once, and never again!'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Husband and Child in Pram

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

Parenting magazines.

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'