Parental Skill Builder Pillows

' I need another good night kiss cause the first one didn't stick.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

"It's a Facebook Friend Request."

"How learning curves feel... Before: Holy hell During: I'm not gonna make it! After: That wasn't so bad! The next time: Again?!!"

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

"Until we know more about the nature of the threat, we should stay calm and wash out hands to keep it from spreading."

'Very impressive, but is there anything you can't do?'

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'Okay, but if you hadn't made me eat all those dumb vegetables, I wouldn't need to brush my teeth!'

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

"I don't look at it as bouncing from job to job, I'm merely gaining a broad base of experience."

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

Parents compare buggies

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm the one with his head in a pelvic vice!'

"I'll tell you what: I'll clean up your room, you clean up my laptop."

'Did you feel that??'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

Are we there yet?

Child reading book: Understanding Your Parents' Behavior.

"If we're learning about multitasking, why does she need our 'undivided attention?'"

'Perhaps we should talk about having kids'

Zipper complimenting zip child: "Ah, she's a cute as a button!"

Come to my party

"Hey! Who's this little guy?"

"Apart from helping the community, making new friends, enjoying your experiences, supporting people in need, developing new skills, building a better community and having fun I can't see the point in volunteering!"

'...and this is our cheapest fertility treatment.'

'Ready to try out your new training?'